Contractions were strong enough that I would need to stop and breath through them and they started to come about every 10-15 minutes.
12:30am I was awake, decided to distract myself with one of my favorite shows Friends. The contractions were still about 10 minutes apart, but when they would come, they were strong, very strong. So strong that I was having a hard time keeping my focus when they would reach the peak. during this time I tried everything. Every different position I could think of, different breathing techniques, visualization, vocalization, heat, counter pressure, you name it, I tried it. And still as the contraction would hit the peak I felt frantic, desperate, slightly out of control and very defeated. With Kylie my labor followed a very predictable pattern, the contractions gradually got closer and stronger and during my early labor I found something that worked for me. I stood and swayed, my arms making large circles while I took deep breaths and focused on progressive relaxation. I did this for almost 12 hours, but my technique continued to work, even as the contractions got stronger and closer. This time I felt like I could not get in to a good rhythm, there was too much of a break and when the contraction would come it would peak fast and kick my butt. It almost reminded me of how my contractions felt at the end of labor with Kylie, right before I started pushing, but those were a couple minutes apart and after hours and hours of early and active labor. I kept thinking “if this is early labor, I don’t know how I am going to handle active labor or transition, I don’t think I can imagine these becoming more intense, I can’t manage them now, what am I going to do then?”
4:15am Craig was up filling the birth pool, Melissa came over to take over blogging and timing contractions. I am happy to have them here and helping, but the filling of the tub is a little distracting and I don’t want to be watched, so I am having to call to my sister every time a contraction starts and ends. I am sitting in our guest room on the rocking chair trying to get to my “happy place” but it still isn’t happening. Any my contractions still are not consistently 5 minutes apart (our cue to call Karen). My brain is distracted with many thoughts…how is Kylie doing? Why can’t I get this under control like last time? I wish I was alone. No, I wish everyone was here. I don’t think the baby is in a good position. Doesn’t feel low and as engaged like Kylie did. Wonder if it is a boy or girl? Oh here comes another one…breath, relax, relax my eyes, my jaw, my neck, my shoulders, oh it hurts, I can’t relax, why is this not working? Why is this so much harder? Ok, it’s coming down, deep breath, I’m ok. Now I have another 8 minutes to wait. Why are they not closer together? But I don’t think I can manage them closer together. Wonder if this baby is bigger? What if it is really big and that’s why it’s not engaged? What if I have to make a trip to work during this whole process. I will feel like I failed. I can’t fail. My body knows what it is doing. I was made to do this. I am strong. I am capable. God would not put something in front of me and not give me the strength to go through it. Oh here is another, breath, breath, in and out, relax, get more oxygen to your muscles, don’t fight it, I can tell I am fighting it, but I can’t help it, it hurts, it hurts, this is so hard, count down 5,4,3,2,1 ok now it is going down, holy moly I don’t know if I can do this. I am probably only dilated to a 2, I know this will get worse. But maybe I am dilated to an 8 and I will feel like pushing soon? Not going to happen, prepare for the worst, accept reality, you are still in early labor, this will be hard, but you can do it. Oh here comes another one…
I want to get in the birth pool, but I am sacred it will slow or even stop my contractions, I don’t want to be in labor for longer then I have to, so I am waiting. My legs are tired and my back feels sore. I stood and labored with Kylie for 12 hours and never felt this worn out, I guess I am older and not in as good of shape as last time. But it is annoying to me, I am trying to focus on labor and I am distracted by my old tired body, come on body, we still have a lot more of this to do, let’s go! The shower feels good, but when I contract the water is distracting and I don’t feel like I have room to move around. I find myself doubled over at the peak which seems to feel worse but it is the only thing my body wants to do, why is this so hard?
I know my contractions are not close together, but I want Karen here. Maybe she can help the baby in to a better position or something. I feel like I am going to loose it if this continues for another 10 hours, I need Karen here to tell me I am ok and I am doing a good job.
She is here, I am in the bedroom on hands and knees. We had wrapped my moby around my tummy and Craig had been pulling up during a contraction to see if supporting my tummy would help, I can’t tell if it helps or not, but we are trying everything. We tried some of the techniques we learned in Bradley classes 2.5 years ago (we never used them with Kylie, since I found something that worked), I can’t tell if I like having Craig close while I contract or if I need him far far away, ahhh, this is frustrating.
Karen feels the position of the baby, yes, the baby is a little to the side, but not in a bad position.
Contraction. Ok it is over. I know we talked about not doing any vaginal exams, but Karen suggests we check and see, maybe she can also help the baby rotate a little more. Ok, if she thinks it is a good idea, I think it is a good idea. Be prepared, this could still be early labor, you could be 2-3cm, you have had bloody show, good sign, but contractions are not close together, be prepared. Sweet sweet words, you are a 6-7 but I can stretch you to complete, there is a thick bag of water, had I come earlier I probably could have broke the bag and your baby would already be here. What! Yes! Bring it on! I CAN do this! Let’s rotate this baby, I want to get in the birth pool, my body is working! Thank goodness for Karen!
Vaginal exam while I was on hands and knees, Karen worked to rotate the baby’s head and I stayed there for a couple contractions. I was in this position, butt high in the air, head down on a pillow, when the student midwifes and photographer arrived. Good morning everyone. I was a little uncomfortable, but so encouraged by Karen's comments that I got over the embarrassment quickly.
One of the many things I love about giving birth at home, one set of vitals, yep one when the midwife arrives and if all is well we don’t take another until after baby is here. Thank goodness, I can’t handle to much touching my body, especially during a contraction.
Ooooo the water feels good, maybe too hot, but good I think.
What is this? Dirt? We need to clean out our hose before we fill our birth pool next time. Should I worry about the dirt? No. women give birth in streams, oceans, places with much more dirt, don’t worry.
Wonder if the baby is in a better position? Come on baby, work with mommy.
Oh I thought this would feel better, not really, why isn’t the water helping as much as last time?
It feels good between contractions, my husband is awesome, i love that he is wearing his shirt that says “My Wife Rocks.”
Now I am too hot, icepack please, cooler cloth, do we have ice to eat.
Everyone is talking so much. I need to focus, but I want to talk too. I still have long breaks between contractions, it’s nice to be pleasant and visit, but now I need to focus, it’s hard to do both, is that why the contractions are not closer together?
Time to check the baby again, he/she has been sounding great so far, I know I shouldn’t try to count the heartbeat but I can’t help it, sounds like it is in the 130’s.
The charting is so straightforward and easy with intermittent monitoring, wish we got to chart like this at the hospital. I loved looking over the charting from Kylie’s birth, it will be fun to see this charting when it is all over. Ok time to get out of my nurse brain, focus on getting this bag to break.
Ok this is not working, let’s try going to the bathroom and the brisk walking outside.
I want to walk outside with Craig, no one else. I need to focus, no video, no pictures, it’s time to get serious. 10:34
11:12 Back in the tub, I gave myself 4 contractions outside, “briskly” walking (ya right, it was more like an enthusiastic waddle), squatting, 1 second pushing, and now it is time to get back in the water. I decided I would give myself a total of 5 contractions to try and get something going on my own, and if nothing, I would ask Karen to break my bag of waters. I am ready to move to the next part, let’s find out who this little one is. But I am also a little scared, it will get more intense, I don’t know if I can handle it, but I have to handle it, either now or later, lets just go for it now.
Ok time to break my bag of water. Karen asks if I want to try and break the bag myself, ok! So I try, I can hardly feel my cervix, from my side I feel complete, 10cm, that’s encouraging. And yep, there is a really thick bag, hi baby, I can tell he/she is still a little high, still needs to rotate and descend a little more. I try, I try for a good couple minutes, but I can’t seem to hook my bag with my fingernail, bummer.
It has been a long time since he did a vaginal exam in nursing school, I am telling him “to the left, ya that is the side of my cervix, to the right, yep the other side, straight ahead, feel that hard thing, baby’s head.” We are all laughing.
He tries…and tries. Contractions are still about 10 minutes apart, it gives us lots of time to try without me being uncomfortable.
Doesn’t happen, Karen steps in and I am leaking nice clear fluid.
Not it is time to lay on my side, the Texas Roll, some like to call it. The baby needs to rotate just a little more so he/she can make an easy transition out. The contractions already feel different. I stay in the Texas roll for two contractions.
Oh this is getting more intense, didn’t think it could, but knew that it needed to.
It’s nice to have Craig here with me, everyone else is in the hallway, I am trying to get more comfortable, but nothing is working. I don’t feel like I have my 10 minute breaks anymore.
Craig wants to rotate so he can sit on the little seat in the pool, we scoot around but I still can’t find something that feels good. He is being very encouraging but it doesn’t seem to help.
It’s hard work, thank goodness Kylie was not there to hear me…”F**K, Oh my God. Why did we decided to do this a second time?” Craig just looks at the other people in the room and smiles, he knows I don’t mean it, but he knows better then to say anything to me.
Last time I was digging holes in Melissa’s arms while she supported me and Craig caught Kylie. This time she is behind the camera, I had my eyes closed most of the time, didn’t even realize she was there.
The midwifes were all standing out of the kitchen, in the hallway, I had said I wanted to do this on my own if I could, and they are letting me.
My body wants me to push but it hurts and is scary. I give in to the urge but just a little. I feel out of control, everything in my body is oversensitive, the water feels too cold, someone starts running water in the sink to warm up to tub and the sound it to loud. I get mad and tell them to turn it off! My poor mom quickly turned off the water.
I am feeling overwhelmed then Karen say’s “your making good progress, you are almost done.”
As the contractions come closer and I have the stronger and stronger urge to push, I get more and more scared. “Karen are you here? I’m scared.” “I’m right here, you are doing great.” Of course she was here, but I must of asked her a couple times, I just needed to hear her calming, confident voice.
I can feel the baby moving down, it’s so intense, I can’t help but push, no position feels comfortable. “Easy baby, easy, easy.” I feel between my legs and I can feel the baby’s head, I ask Craig if he wants to feel the baby’s head too. He does and smiles at me, we think we can feel hair. “It’s so intense.”
“Ouch, ouch, ouch, I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m sacred.”
Karen “Squeeze the baby through, you are safe, the baby’s safe, you are doing fine.”
Me “Oh my God, Oh my God, oh my God.”
Karen “Lots of pressure, it’s ok, you’re almost there Natalie.”
Me “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it.”
Karen“You are doing it, it’s happening, there you go.”
Me “I want to stop, I can’t, I wanna stop, I wanna stop, I wanna stop.”
Karen “Just breath, just blow out a little bit. You are doing awesome, almost there.”
It was at this moment that the baby was crowing, it was so intense and I was just sitting waiting for the next contraction, I knew it was good to let myself stretch, but it was so intense. It was at this point that I started praying “Lord give me strength.”
“It burns it burns it burns it burns!” “that’s the baby’s head, the head it born, here’s an arm, it’s coming up to you Natalie, reach down.” “ok, ok, ok, ok.”
“Oh my God, oh my God.” I pull the baby slowly, nice and slow up from under the water. I can see the baby stretch and look at me, still blue, still a water being. And then slowly and smoothly I bring the baby’s head out of the water, the baby’s arms stretch up and I bring the baby to my chest.
The baby cries, Craig is laughing, everyone in the room is overwhelmed.
Kylie comes in the room, still holding her banana she was eating for a snack.
Kylie sits on the edge of the pool, still not sure about the whole situation but it doesn’t take her long to warm up. She gets all the way in and touches his head, and kisses him.
Kylie is so excited, she just stares and stares at him. We are all so overwhelmed and excited.
Then we start singing “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday baby brother, happy birthday to you.”
He looks so much like Kylie, his face is red from his fast decent, but his dark hair and sweet features are just the same.
We are feeling like the tub is a little cool, so it might be time to get out. I want to deliver my placenta myself, so I gently pull on the cord, it does not come easily so we wait a little longer. We add some warm water to the tub and enjoy taking a look at him as he floats in the water.
About 20 minutes after the delivery, Craig cuts the cord and gets out of the tub, I hand our baby boy of the tub and I stand and deliver the placenta.
We all climb into our big bed and snuggle in, baby boy and Kylie latch on and Craig snuggles in on the other side of Kylie, here we are our new family of four.
And Karen takes a much needed rest as well.
Soon Kylie is out playing with her aunties and Craig and I are spending some quality time with the little guy. I am, of course, checking my funds and everything is great. The contractions with nursing are SO intense, I feel like I am in labor again. I take some pain meds and some herbs to help. I am not bleeding very much this time and already feel really good down there.
After a little rest time we decide to do the newborn exam. Everything checks out perfect, Auntie Melissa gets to trim his cord and hold him up to see his weight. He is 8 lbs 6 oz and 21 1/4 inches long. 14 in head circumference, 13 1/4 chest, heart rate 128, respirations 64, temp 98.6 and Apgar Scores 9 and 10.
After the exam, the family eats, we eat, the midwifes clean up and pack up, Karen will come to visit us tomorrow.
Our Baby Boy is here. It was hard, it hurt, I didn’t think I could do it…and then I did. It was amazing and empowering and once again, life changing.
We love you so very much Cooper Marshall.
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